He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
