I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
