This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im six kinds of drunk right now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
