3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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