shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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