I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
