We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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