Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
