bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
