Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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