There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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