Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
