He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
