I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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