The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
