I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
