Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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