he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
