Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
