So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
