I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
