shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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