Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
