I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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