Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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