If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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