i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
