thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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