i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a beard to bite.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
