wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize