Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
