Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
