There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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