Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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