i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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