i think my tv is drunk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
