Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
