the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
