Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize