It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
