Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
