he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
