Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
