Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
