I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
