this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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