You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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