I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
