Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
