come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
