From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
