wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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