i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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