So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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