Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
