Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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