I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
