I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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