from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
