so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
