(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
