I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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