Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
