Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
