I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
