Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
