If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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