so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize