im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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