I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
