Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize