Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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